Good Bye 2019

The greatest part of 2019 is how much we grew as a family and how serious I took my self-care.

Going into 2020 with an open mind, grateful heart, and full of gratitude. I took self care and applied it fully. I took a medical leave in order to really take care of my mental & physical health.
Things could’ve really gotten out of control, but having a team of doctors, great insurance, and being determined to get my health under control, I’m ending the year on a much higher note and very optimistic.

My sisters, I don’t call them friends cause it’s so much more, pushed, supported, loved, uplifted, and made me feel cherished. Starting a podcast with my sister, keeping my blog going thanks to my big sister encouragement, having my oldest sister step in and help me with the Littles when I needed breaks. I’ll do everything in my power to show them how much I appreciate them for sincerely loving me.

My children, my heart in human form, kept me going, gave me a smile every single day, taught how to be patient and kinder, and really taught me about being intentional. The greatest part about being their mother is the feeling of unconditional love and watching them grow. I will never truly be able to thank the most high for blessing us day after day with the absolute most amazing children.

My lover, my handsome man, we came back together just as it was intended. The person who allows me to vulnerable without judgement, holds me accountable, and encourages me to be more. I love him for being the father that Peyton deserves and the role model that Dillon can look up to. On my toughest days, he helped me keep myself together. We grow and challenge each other consistently because we believe in each other. I don’t think I could ever repay him for being who he is to me and to our children.

Thank you all for your support & love. I’ll keep it going strong for 2020 and beyond.

• The Kimber

Mommin ain’t Easy

I’m going through a autoimmune flare, low energy, super cranky, my menses began, and shit just isn’t where it should be. Dillon and Peyton both have little colds so they’ve been up at night due to congestion, which means I’m up at night. Sleep is imperative to healing. I’m not a up all night and day kinda woman, I needs my rest in order to recuperate properly. I hate how irritable and flustered I feel. I just drink water, eat real food, stay away from the fried and dairy as much as possible, plus I try to find something to keep me smiling, and every single time I go looking, I find my photos of my Littles. Even when I’m not feeling well, I want them to feel incredible, but I can’t overexert myself, or I’ll be in the hospital and we can’t afford that. When my days get low, the little snuggles and kisses from The Littles makes every single thing better. Being a mom, being their mother, is the greatest blessing I’ll ever receive. Peyton & Dillon are truly the best parts of me. If you can spare some love, uplifting energy, and positivity I could really use it.

They deserve the absolute very best I can give them. (CK Marley Photography)

Dillon and Mommy

Peyton and Mommy

Christmas 🎄 Cheer

Happy Year One

To everyone who has supported and been following me over the past year I want to say THANK YOU! You all mean so much to me and I’m so grateful to be able to, relate, release and most of all inspire. In the past year alone, I’ve returned to school and completed 15 hours, had surgery (still healing) celebrated so much with my little family and started a bomb podcast with my sister: Facebook.com/kandppresents.

Life has been happening and I’ve been maintaining as best as I can.

The older I’ve gotten the more I realize that the love I feel for myself is changing. I’m learning my tolerance levels change, I learning that I am hard on myself because I expect more from me. At what point do you say, “I’ve had enough and I am enough.”

I didn’t and I still don’t always understand what self love is... I get the gist of it but it’s still hard for me to really appreciate how necessary it is to my daily being. I pray that I get this in order for the sake of my children so that they don’t end up as neurotic and anxious I am.

But the love I have for them, it’s instant, it’s full, it’s overbearing. I fear that I won’t be enough for them, like my love isn’t enough, like I’m not protective enough. Despite the fact that they both light up every single time they see me, especially Dillon, Peyton’s becoming more of a daddy’s girl (reminds me of myself)

What am I most afraid of? Loving myself correctly will somehow make it to where I love my children and my guy incorrectly. Like giving to myself takes away from them some how.

Ode to the postpartum body & mind

After year one of Peyton I became vegan, so I dropped the baby weight quickly and I even felt better. I was happy in my own body and loved the compliments I received from everyone about my “SnapBack”
The interesting thing was just a few months after having her I was in therapy trying to figure out why I had thought of people harming her, of the absolute worst things happening to her.

I smothered my baby with love and kisses and thought I could do the best for her. I became irrational in my thoughts and nervous anytime she was out of my eyesight. I was diagnosed with postpartum anxiety and depression.
I didn’t understand. I didn’t wanna harm my baby, I wanted to protect her from every bad thing... I stayed up nights watching her sleep to make sure she was breathing, trying to keep SIDS away from her. I wanted to cry because I was tired and needed rest but I couldn’t sleep, what if something happened to her while I was sleeping or while I was away.
These thoughts almost crippled me. I didn’t wanna work or be away from her. It wasn’t until I started attending a postpartum group that I started to understand the reasons why my thoughts had been so intense was due to my lack of sleep, lack of nutrients, and my previous diagnoses with depression. I found out that I’m more prone to postpartum depression and anxiety with every pregnancy I have. So I took everything I knew, researched, found a doula group here in Austin, and became vocal about my struggles on social media.
So though my body may have looked well, in shape and snatched... my mind was barely there. And it hit me again, even harder with Dillon. I can recall Damon coming into the bedroom and I was rocking on the floor with Dillon because he wouldn’t stop crying and I didn’t know what to do, he grabbed him from me and told me to rest. After working a 12 hour shift, he came home and made sure I rested while caring for our baby boy.
This type of love and care was a necessity in my healing. He cared enough to coax me back to health, and it took a lot longer and even more group therapy to get better but it happened and I’m here today because of it all.
Mamas and daddies, pay attention to the moods, the thoughts, and actions.It’s okay to not be okay, don’t focus so much on your body that you forget to take care of your mind.

Photographer: CK Marley http://www.ckmarleyphotography.com