Good Bye 2019

The greatest part of 2019 is how much we grew as a family and how serious I took my self-care.

Going into 2020 with an open mind, grateful heart, and full of gratitude. I took self care and applied it fully. I took a medical leave in order to really take care of my mental & physical health.
Things could’ve really gotten out of control, but having a team of doctors, great insurance, and being determined to get my health under control, I’m ending the year on a much higher note and very optimistic.

My sisters, I don’t call them friends cause it’s so much more, pushed, supported, loved, uplifted, and made me feel cherished. Starting a podcast with my sister, keeping my blog going thanks to my big sister encouragement, having my oldest sister step in and help me with the Littles when I needed breaks. I’ll do everything in my power to show them how much I appreciate them for sincerely loving me.

My children, my heart in human form, kept me going, gave me a smile every single day, taught how to be patient and kinder, and really taught me about being intentional. The greatest part about being their mother is the feeling of unconditional love and watching them grow. I will never truly be able to thank the most high for blessing us day after day with the absolute most amazing children.

My lover, my handsome man, we came back together just as it was intended. The person who allows me to vulnerable without judgement, holds me accountable, and encourages me to be more. I love him for being the father that Peyton deserves and the role model that Dillon can look up to. On my toughest days, he helped me keep myself together. We grow and challenge each other consistently because we believe in each other. I don’t think I could ever repay him for being who he is to me and to our children.

Thank you all for your support & love. I’ll keep it going strong for 2020 and beyond.

• The Kimber

this thanksgiving

I don’t celebrate the normal traditionally meaning behind Thanksgiving because I’ve learned the horrid backstory of those who suffered in order for the holiday to be created. Not only that, I recently learned that my family lineage has Native American ancestors so it makes it even more harder. What I do celebrate is coming together as a family, enjoying great food, seeing the smiling faces I haven’t all season long, and the overall feeling of belonging.

I’ve been blessed this year to be able to take my babies to see the Houston side of our family. Though it was a short visit, it was meaningful. When spent the majority of the evening with Granna (that’s the Littles grandmother) where the kids played, ate waaaaay too many sweets, and we went through the sales paper for Black Friday. I finished the night with the Jacksons, seeing my auntie’s meeting my nephew’s girlfriend, dancing, card playing, and just having a good time.

Afterwards, I took my sis a plate to her job, she’s a NICU nurse and deserved some good home cooked meals (plus she hates potlucks). If you’re like me, you’ll look at Thanksgiving in this light. Let’s take back the terrible history behind it and rewrite it, while giving thanks to those who came before, enjoying those who are with us now, and looking forward with what’s to come.

DAWG

Let me tell you something, no one and I mean no one, wants to be abused, not mentally, physically, emotionally.. NOT AT ALL. Now I’m by no measure a saint, I’ve definitely cheated before, and til this day is was be far the most ridiculous thing I’ve done... it was selfish, childish and dishonorable. I pride myself on being loyal to the ones I love but that’s where I fucked up majorly. I did it out of spite, out of I’m going to get you back and I couldn’t even go through with it all the way because I knew I had allowed another person’s actions to change who I was and to be honest, it wasn’t worth it. I’m a terrible liar so it was written all over my face by the time I got home... now that’s my story on my imperfection and how I learned not to ever cheat again on any person I love. But you dawg ass females and males that just go around cheating, lying, spreading diseases, WTF is wrong with y’all???Sincerely, have you examined yourself? What excuse are you making to be a habitual cheater ? How’re you content with telling a person you spend your days and nights with, make children with, make future plans with, and dare I say MARRY, make a full on commitment with treating them like their trust isn’t meaningful, their bodies are unworthy of protecting? AGAIN IM NO FUCKIN SAINT BUT WHEN IN THE FUCK DO YOU GROW UP? I’ve watched some amazing people lose theirselves in people who have done and continue to do them WRONG, I mean wrong... but they stuck by hoping for a change, holing their love would heal whatever hurt that person is feeling that’s making them cheat, going to counseling, taking sex courses, eating better, working out to be more physically appealing, for a person who didn’t deserve them from the beginning.Listen y’all, and I mean listen real damn good, let them tf go! Go heal, get back to yourself, love yourself stronger than ever before... having a piece of person is NOT better than having no one at all. My mama and daddy have drilled into me that a person can only treat you how you allow them to treat you... yes it’ll hurt when you leave, yes you’ll cry and think that maybe one more chance is needed but in all honesty, they’re not gonna change for you, nah that change has to be for themselves. I decided going forward after one cheating incident I’d never go that route again to prove shit because I lost my best damn friend and no matter what I did I couldn’t remove the hurt I caused him.He had to want to heal and learn to build trust and love again. But for you dawg ass folks that’s content with doing this male/female, leave people tf alone and getcho shit together, go to church or therapy and figure out your root issue so you can stop hurting everyone you attract.

A P P R E C I A T I O N

Finally back at work and I’m listening to one of my favorite singers, Beyoncé, in her song, Mine, she said something powerful, “I’m not feeling like myself since the baby, are we even gonna make it?” This speaks to my soul!Listen... hormones are a son of gun and when you compile that with a toddler, a newborn, mental health issues, postpartum depression and anxiety, adulting, the cost of living in Austin... whew chiiile, it’s too much!!!! And you don’t know how to handle it until you’re in it, I promise I tried to get ahead of this because I knew I susceptible for postpartum depression 2.0 since I had after giving birth to Peyton. Damon took it all in stride for the most part. Continues to be a provider, still smiles everyday, makes me feel good about my new jiggle because he’s responsible for it (his words, not mine)I know I’m annoying, hell I annoy my damn self if I’m being perfectly transparent. But y’all I needed him, I mean I NEEDED HIM! But yet and still there were so many times I wanted to leave him (crazy shit, right) but in all honesty I wanted to spare him my anxiety, my obsessive compulsiveness, my sadness, my damn mood swings. I felt like I didn’t listen to him because he had no idea how I was feeling, he didn’t understand me, he wasn’t trying to (these are all the things I’m telling myself)It was one day when I decided to go for a walk by myself and meditate that I took time to reflect, and I told myself, “now lookahere bitxh, get it tf together, you’re gonna beat this damn it, and this is Damon! Pull yourself together for you, the littles but especially for him because he NEEDS YOU TOO. He’s stressed too, he has a new baby too, he works too, he’s tired too... it’s not you against him, it’s us against the problem.”YALL THIS CHANGED THINGSI FELT THE PIVOTAL SHIFT IN MY SPIRITYou see, sometimes when you’re in the thick of it, it’s hard to get out of your own head, take a step back and examine life from a different perspective. We are getting better but we still struggle with effective communication; some of it us because I’m stubborn and like to have my way and because he’s a Leo, a real Leo! But I’m working on it, aht aht, WE are working on it. That’s my partner (he hates that I call him that but I look like saying my boyfriend at 31, I’m grown) and friend. I don’t wanna hurt him or create tension or distance between us because we are bonded for life, and that’s not because of our children.