PROUD

I’m so excited!!!

I made the deans list & honor roll!!!

I’m so freakin proud of myself!

This time next year I would have completed enough credit hours to receive my associates degree!

After being in intensive outpatient therapy for 3 months for my mental health, cholecystectomy surgery to help some of my physical pain subside, raising 2 incredible babies, being a girlfriend, taking care of our household, blogging, podcasting and working full time PLUS taking care of my parents’ needs

This hasn’t been easy at all but I’m more than grateful for my support system. I just have to thank you to everyone who is cheering me on, who encourages me, who loves me, and who is rooting for me. I do this to make myself, my family and especially my children proud.

I am so so proud of myself because this program is an accelerated course, meaning what a typical college student does in a semester we do in 5-6 weeks!

Im here to say I’m a 32 year old sophomore/junior working towards my bachelor’s in business administration at Huston-Tillotson University, the only HBCU in my hometown. If I can do it, you can too! Don’t give up your dreams or goals.

You’re worthy of your wildest dreams

Mommy’s Self Care

I haven’t done much for myself since finding out about the complex cyst on my ovary (which has resolved itself without bursting so that’s a huge PLUS) and Cholecystectomy.

My therapist has had to drive it in me that it’s really important that I do something for myself every single day. I was doing pretty good but once I started to feel bad I found myself not wanting to engage or even put forth the effort towards myself (bless my man’s heart cause he really takes me as I am).

A good girlfriend of mine, that I’ve known since my freshman year of high school and was a guest on our podcast does some of the best braids I’ve ever seen. Every single post I would like and comment until finally I realized, come on Kim, you need your hair done and why not go to one of the best to ever do it

I contacted her on a whim and she just happened to have a cancellation and got me in Sunday evening. While sitting in her chair we talked about growing businesses, the challenges that come with them and even a future collaboration. I had a sense of euphoria taking care of myself, being around another adult woman who is opened to growing her businesses, learning more on how to market, still living her entrepreneurial dream but doesn’t negate to give the facts of the challenges that come with it. I love learning, I love learning from people who look like me and raised in the same area that I grew up in.

I left that evening ready to start another business plan, do more research and feeling more fulfilled than ever.

I say all of this to say take care of yourself and learn from your peers. Give yourself couple of hours away from the kids to grow and laugh and nurture your mind.

Interested in a new hairdo

Check out Instagram.com/trapness

Dear Fear

Dear Fear,You almost won. I fortune told my whole surgery before I stepped foot inside of the hospital. I told myself there would be a racist staff members who wouldn’t take care of me or see me as less than so they wouldn’t do what was necessary. The day before my surgery I made sure to go get my will notarized, (click the link if you're in need of a will, trust or advance directives: https://ambassadher.us17.list-manage.com/track/click?u=6fecfe336aea663a9f962d06f&id=5464c0f5b7&e=b80b1fd641 )so that it would be legal in the state of Texas just in case I didn’t make it out alive. This was my mindset: fearful but still trying to be responsible. I know some people may view this as anxiety (which it very well could be) but I viewed as reality. As a black woman, I feel my pain levels and health concerns aren’t taken seriously by the people who could help elevate them. I even stayed a night in the hospital just to be sure that I received some care before I went home and the nursing staff was new and unfortunately not trained well. She had missed medication times, hadn’t came to help me to the restroom, didn’t bring me food until 4 pm and my surgery was over at 9:30 am. If it hadn’t been for my angel on earth niece I wouldn’t have even made it to the restroom multiple times or showered properly. What makes me even more uncomfortable is that I’ve delivered both of my babies at this very hospital and I myself was born here, so I have a special place in my heart for this place but I do wonder if it’s staff or management is bringing it down. Before surgery I had both of my parents were by my side, my bestie sissy came by to love on me and make sure that they surgery staff was up to par. Their love and energy calmed me; I smiled and laughed more than anything with them by my side. And in following the days they all called to make sure I was okay, sissy bought me sunflowers to brighten my space and so many others sent bouquets or cookie deliveries. Being home with my babies was another challenge, I felt “better” but I wasn’t well and I wanted to be well so I could play with them and love on them and just be their mommy but I knew I couldn’t, I couldn’t cuddle on my man and love on him like I wanted because in reality I’m in pain. And I’ve over done it a few times and I know better but things have to be done. My niece has been by our side since the day of the surgery all the until early Sunday morning, she’s gotten the babies dressed and taken them to school while alternating with Damon on pick ups, cooked dinner, and even did a bit of grocery shopping for me. This is the most a person could ever do, really being there and without complaining, with sincerity. I’m not the type of woman who just says please do this for me, it’s a character flaw I’m working on but to have someone just do it for me, means every single thing to me. (My love language is acts of service) I’m healing, not as fast as I’d like, but I’m doing it and I’m listening to my body. So my dear fear, I’m allowing you to melt away slowly but surely and I’m not allowing you to win, not this time. Take your friend anxiety with you too.

Wednesday

I sincerely have no idea how I function! I got out of class early last night, and this class alone is draining because it’s very difficult to understand the professor and follow along, but we were released early, I drove home, greeted my loved ones, (Peyton gave me the sweetest and biggest hug as she squealed mommy’s home) only to leave again because the babies needed Zyrtec for their allergies and Peyton was still fully awake watching mother goose clubhouse on YouTube so I knew I had to give her some before bed so she wouldn’t be congested. I leave to H-E-B, grab peanut butter, jelly, Zyrtec and aluminum pans, came back and Dillon was now awake. 

YAY!! THE WHOLE GANG’S HERE!!!

I actually was happy he woke up because I hadn’t pumped or hand expresses since 4 pm and it’s now 9:40 pm, plus he’s always so happy to see me. I turn on the stove and began to bake some lemon pepper chicken, Peyton proclaim she’s hungry so I gave her leftover BBQ chicken (we like chicken and fish in our home, plus it’s all Peyton will eat at this point in time) After eating she rubbed her eyes and screamed how her eye hurts, I rinse her eyes out while dad feeds Dillon, Dillon cried when the food runs out so I nurse him, Peyton wants her iPad back but it’s past bedtime so she screams and cries about her chicken eyes. 

I get Dillon wiped down, burped, and moisturized and back in his crib before going back in Peyton’s room to read her 2 bedtime stories. After I kiss her and give her July bear she screams about her eye hurts, I rinse her eyes out, blow them and hold her (cause I’m sure she misses me and just wants attention) Once settled I put her back in bed and go get in the shower, I hear her again from the shower, get out and just let her lie in my bed, she falls fast asleep, no chicken eyes or anything (by the way the irritation is from allergies and rubbing chicken pieces in her eyes).

I turn on the sound machine, turn off the tv that was watching me and I drift off to sleep around 11:00 ish. Dillon wakes up around 2 or 3 or 4, hell idk, he wakes up I nurse him and he goes to sleep and I’m too tired to put him in bed so now they’re both in the bed. The alarm goes off at 6:55 am, I snooze, wake up at 7:06 am and somehow, some way I’m at work in a meeting, functioning without caffeine because my Starbucks app was on the fritz.  

I NEED A GOT DAMN NAP