E N L A R G E D

Hey y'all hey!!! I wanna apologize for my inconsistency on posting but hopefully this post explains why. I've missed y'all and hope everyone is doing well. LOTS OF INFO AHEAD!Let’s catch up! We’ve moved to a brand spanking new apartment that I truly love. The energy is the new place is magnificent and free. I’m even inspired to decorate my home again. My psychiatrist took me off work to really treat my mental health, I’m learning just how serious having regular therapy appointments effects my mental and emotional health. I hadn’t seen my therapist since February and soooo much went haywire that I couldn’t handle it all. I felt myself going back into the dark space again, faking the smiles, being highly irritable with everyone, I knew something was off... I reached out to my acupuncturist, she stated she could tell my diet was off, I had 3 panic attacks while at work, it became too extreme. I’ve finished intensive outpatient therapy and it’s been life changing. Learning real coping skills, how to be in the present, how to take my health more seriously. At the beginning of IOP (intensive outpatient therapy) my primacy care doctor decided to run more blood work since it had been 6 months from our last checkup and to have a ultrasound of my neck. My psychiatrist had been pushing for anti-depressants and something called Seroquel to help me sleep. I opted for magnesium (which helps immensely) and removing the tv from the bedroom... once my results came back it was revealed that I have hyperthyroidism bought on by Graves’ disease. I had no idea how much had happened to my body after giving birth to Dillon... the ultrasound showed that my thyroid was enlarged and the blood panel... well, it revealed the rest. Even more, the irritably that I have been experiencing, the anxiety... all rooted in my thyroid. This is why I’m an advocate for my own health and not so quick to take medication... my primary doctor explained that the psych medication wouldn’t have helped anything. So, now I’m on a quest for an endocrinologist, eating healthier, and taking the necessary supplements my doctor suggested. I hope my story inspires you all to take care of yourselves and ask for the necessary testing surrounding thyroids which are T3, T4, TSH .

Wednesday

I sincerely have no idea how I function! I got out of class early last night, and this class alone is draining because it’s very difficult to understand the professor and follow along, but we were released early, I drove home, greeted my loved ones, (Peyton gave me the sweetest and biggest hug as she squealed mommy’s home) only to leave again because the babies needed Zyrtec for their allergies and Peyton was still fully awake watching mother goose clubhouse on YouTube so I knew I had to give her some before bed so she wouldn’t be congested. I leave to H-E-B, grab peanut butter, jelly, Zyrtec and aluminum pans, came back and Dillon was now awake. 

YAY!! THE WHOLE GANG’S HERE!!!

I actually was happy he woke up because I hadn’t pumped or hand expresses since 4 pm and it’s now 9:40 pm, plus he’s always so happy to see me. I turn on the stove and began to bake some lemon pepper chicken, Peyton proclaim she’s hungry so I gave her leftover BBQ chicken (we like chicken and fish in our home, plus it’s all Peyton will eat at this point in time) After eating she rubbed her eyes and screamed how her eye hurts, I rinse her eyes out while dad feeds Dillon, Dillon cried when the food runs out so I nurse him, Peyton wants her iPad back but it’s past bedtime so she screams and cries about her chicken eyes. 

I get Dillon wiped down, burped, and moisturized and back in his crib before going back in Peyton’s room to read her 2 bedtime stories. After I kiss her and give her July bear she screams about her eye hurts, I rinse her eyes out, blow them and hold her (cause I’m sure she misses me and just wants attention) Once settled I put her back in bed and go get in the shower, I hear her again from the shower, get out and just let her lie in my bed, she falls fast asleep, no chicken eyes or anything (by the way the irritation is from allergies and rubbing chicken pieces in her eyes).

I turn on the sound machine, turn off the tv that was watching me and I drift off to sleep around 11:00 ish. Dillon wakes up around 2 or 3 or 4, hell idk, he wakes up I nurse him and he goes to sleep and I’m too tired to put him in bed so now they’re both in the bed. The alarm goes off at 6:55 am, I snooze, wake up at 7:06 am and somehow, some way I’m at work in a meeting, functioning without caffeine because my Starbucks app was on the fritz.  

I NEED A GOT DAMN NAP

I’m still here

Happy MondayThere has been soooooooooo much going on.For starters Dillon had to have surgery, removal of his adenoids. He’s been healing great and his appetite increased. If you notice some issues with your children, constantly sick, hard to breathe, snoring in their sleep, please please go see if their adenoids or tonsils are enlarged. I read an article that helped me narrow down what was going on with him since our pediatrician was not helpful at all. Also, I returned to school!!! I’m now a student at Huston-Tillotson University in their adult degree program! I’m working on completing my bachelors in business administration. I've written a blog piece focusing on the injustices of mothers of color and maternal health rates. click here to check it out https://www.rebirthequity.org/blog/thekimberz I’ve started podcasting with my sis on Facebook, every Friday night at 8 pm CST www.facebook.com/kandppresents And finally I'm back at work full-time. It's exhausting typing all of this 😩One of my issues has been writer's block. I tried to write two different blog pieces and kept getting hit with blockage. One was for my grandmother’s birthday, which was also when Dillon turned 9 months, trying to celebrate her memory and his life just made me sad, the other was for myself, just expressing what I’m going through overall.Now, I’m more able to speak freely and write openly without issue. The next phase of my life will be very, very, very busy and I’m so excited and look forward to sharing more. Sending you all great vibes and positivity. P.S. DILLON’s 10 months old today!! He’s crawling and standing. I can’t believe this is happening! P.S.S. Peyton’s been embarking on trying us as parents and saying no. 🤦🏾‍♀️ but nothing a stern talking to or a hand pop can’t correct. She’s just pushing her limits to see what she can get away. I’m learning patience and understanding.

anxiety/insomnia... pick one

Why can’t I get out of my own head?I can’t be the only one who struggles with this. I’m literally up with my thoughts and I know I need to be asleep. (At least the babies are sleeping well) I miss who I was and who I’m ready to become who I need to be for myself more than anything.I could be a better mom, a better partner, a better friend and overall better person. It’s a struggle when you feel like you’re not enough no matter how many people try to reassure you.I always feel like I fall short in several areas.I’ll do better and I’ll be better soon hopefully. Just wanted to share my thoughts with you all.I hope Monday gives you hope and aspirations